"You Might Be a Nurse If...

You can drink a pot of coffee and still go to sleep in the morning.
*You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazapam, and Compazine.
*You can´t see it; it´s probably not there.
*Your sense of humor seems to get more warped each year.
*You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and "vagina" in a normal conversation.
*You believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven´t fallen asleep yet.
*You believe that if warm wine enemas were routinely ordered, patient complaints would greatly decrease.
*You call some of your co-workers "Flowers in the Field of Medicine" because they´re bloomin´ idiots.
*You hope there´s a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light.
*You believe not all patients are annoying. Some are dead.
*You believe experience is something you don´t get until just after you need it.
*You see stress as a normal way of life.
*You have a tendency to laugh at your patient´s "big" problems.
*You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.
*You believe the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
*You´ve ever thought, "Patients, God love ´em, because today, I sure don´t!"
*Everything only happens all at once.
*You have more T-shirts that say, "Love a nurse PRN" than plain T-shirts.
*You´ve ever referred to other nurses as "Band-Aid Bunnies."
*You´ve ever been telling work stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw-up.
*You write a patient report and have to translate it to medical records because of all the acronyms in it.
*You notice that you use more four-letter words now than before you became a nurse.
*You look in your closet and can´t find anything non-medical to wear.
*You´ve ever told anyone in pain to "stop being a baby and deal with it."
*You have a patient in four-point leathers that asks if you´re a nurse, you reply "Yes", and walk away.
*You´ve ever told a patient to "stop faking it."
*You believe all bleeding stops...eventually.
*You don´t get excited about blood loss unless it´s your own.
*You don´t hit patients or doctors....unless absolutely necessary.
*You believe the pain will go away when it stops hurting.
*Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and if nothing has gone wrong, you´ve obviously don´t understand the situation.
*You´ve ever said, "Why am I here?"
*If you believe if a patient who has a catheter, he needs it.
*Everyone gets treated exactly the same...until they piss you off.
*When you get a call telling you the name of your next admit and you can do the care plan before the patient gets to the floor.
*When called for orders, the MD says, "Write them yourself; you know the patient better than I do."
*You´ve ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is an emergency.
*Ever rolled your eyes when the 14 year-old says, "No, I´ve never had sex."
*You refer to motorcyclists as organ donors.
*You can eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand, and it doesn´t bother you.
*You believe Tylenol, Advil, or Excedrin provides a large part of your daily calorie intake requirements
.*You´ve ever held a 14-gauge needle over someone´s vein and said, "Now your going to feel a little stick."
*You can identify the "PID Shuffle" and the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 15 feet.
*You´ve ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I´m afraid of shots."
*You´ve ever thought, "As long as he´s got a pulse, I don´t care about the rhythm."
*You think the ultimate cruel joke is get someone drunk, take them to the ER and tell them he OD´d on "some kind of pills."
*You automatically multiply by three the number of drinks a patient claims to have daily.
*You can keep a straight face when a patient responds, "Just two beers."
*You feel that if someone is shot or stabbed, they probably deserved it
.*You stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth to cough.
*You think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate choice for mental status.
*You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
*You have encouraged obnoxious patients to sign out AMA.
*You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
*Your most common assessment question at 2 a.m. is "Why is this an emergency now?"
*You believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick.
*You don´t believe 90% of what you´re told, and 75% of what you see.
*You firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis.
*You have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
*You believe a book entitled "Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time" will be your next project.
*You believe a good tape job will fix anything.
*You´ve ever had a patient look you dead in the eye and say, "I don´t know how that got stuck in there."
*You have ever had a patient say, "I´m not pregnant, I can´t be pregnant! I can´t be having a baby!"
*You have a special shrine in your home to the inventor of Haldol.
*You can think of another 200 examples of "You Might Be a Nurse If..."

Totally cute site!

This is such a fun site (more so if you have kiddies) but I still like it!

SistaHood

I love this idea! Women supporting women!

Past their Prime Nurses

Past their prime nurses in my mind is not based solely on age. I work with some older nurses who are still great nurses! Past their prime in mind mind is referring to the nurses who have no passion left in them. They don't care when they loose a pt, if the pt is in pain, or if they need someone to talk to. These are the nurses that you'll never get to answer a call light and if they must enter the room (say to pass a pill) they manage to do in less than a minute. They are in and out of the room so quickly they (i believe intentionally) do not learn anything about the pt! I believe many of these nurses are still loaded with knowledge and could be great at their jobs..if they didn't avoid pt contact and doing their jobs!

These nurses do however have two skills that I have not mastered (not planing to because they drive me nuts!)
1) they seems to be able to assess their pts through walls or from door ways! I swear I never seem them come any closer! I often wonder how the hell they do it all from the hallway!

2)They can get some of the newer nurses, nursing students, or CNAs to do just about all of their work! I actually think they work harder on getting others to do their work than I do actually doing my work!

I just keep asking myself "Am I the only person who sees this" when management is looking to cut costs or increase productivity...are these nurses ever on the list! If they aren't the should be!
Do these nurses even realize what they are doing? Do they deep down think they are still doing a good job? or do they deep down think about how mach they hate their jobs? I just don't know.

Nurse Abuse

Ok- I know I am not the only person out there dealing with this! I am sick of feeling abused! I understand people are in the hospital becuase they are sick and when we are sick we are not always our nicest! But come on! I can not take much more! I am sick of being called names, being yelled at, pts smacking towards me, and so on. I am not even including the confused pts in this. I give them a lot more slack!

If I listened to every pts request - we would have a few less grumpy people in this world. Last night I cared for a man who complained more about his fliud restriction and me checking his vitals than anyone I know! He was mad that I turned lights on (even though I would not have realized he was becoming slightly cyonotic). He got mad the second time I check his vitals (even though his o2 sat was 79%). Then he had a fit that we placed a venti-mask on him (after multiple attempts to raise his o2 sat).

At the end of my shift- during my final rounds- when I said good bye- he was sure to tell me how much he hoped I would not be back tonight! He was no longer hypoxic - what's his excuse to be an ass at this point in the shift?

I guess he wanted that other nurse (the lazy one) who fakes he vitals misses stuff like o2sats in the 70's and finds he pts cold and blue on her last round....code blue anyone?

I guess I will just have to let it slide and remind myself how much I enjoy helping others. Someone told me nurses don't need recognition for saving lives- it's just what we do.

Day off

I am warn out- enjoying my day off some what. I have other work to do. Cleaning, planning, cooking, etc...I just find it really hard to want to work on my day off. Isn't this my day off? My day to do what I want. I don't want to clean or worry about taking the garbage out! I don't want to plan upcoming events! I want to lay around, get a massage, read a book, heck close my eyes.

I find myself wasting this day away because I am torn between responsibility and the desire to do other things. I don't do either one...each minute is slipping away and I do nothing. I don't want to leave and do fun stuff...because I have responsibilities to my home life. Yet I sit here looking at my piles of work and don't tend to them because I am day dreaming about stuff I would rather be doing...

Maybe i should just go into work.. at least there I am always productive...nah.. I'll just sit here and soak up the sun ...

15 hours of Confusion...

Some days I feel as if I work on a psych/Alzheimer/critical care unit! Today my joint replacement turned confused...we had a blast! First we played a game of how many IV's can one pt pull out! She won after 4! Then she shared her lunch with me (by spiting mash potatoes in my face). The icing on the cake was her family (who didn't have anesthesia) was as crazy as she was!

I often wonder if the family members realize how crazy they are? Do they not realize it's not the nurses fault that their mom has pulled out every IV line? I can not sit at her side! I have 4 other pts just as needy as her! Do they not realize it's not cute for their mom to spit mash potatoes at her nurse- - why are they standing in the room while I feed their mom?!? Help! You can help! She is YOUR mother! Don't get me wrong- I am feeding your mom because I care about her well being- but if your free and staying through the meal - - STEP UP and help out!

Today was a long day! All but 1 of my 5 pts were confused! I am home- and ready to hit the sack! More tomorrow!